“So, what did you think Simone?” I was thrown off by the question; what did I think?

BY SIMONE J. SMITH

So where was I.

Yes, that court shit was crazy; all that build up, anxiety, overthinking for 30 minutes.

I have to admit; I was glad that it was over. Mark walked out with some of the other lawyers. I saw them laughing, chatting it up, and I thought to myself at the time, everything was so light. Defence lawyer and prosecutor laughing with each other. Meanwhile, here I was trying to hold my sanity together. Something disturbed me about that scene.

Mark finished his discussion and walked over to me.

“So, what did you think Simone?”

I was thrown off by the question; what did I think?

“I think that it was very quick. I was expecting more.”

“Well,” Mark replied, “This is how it works. As you noticed, there were other defendants in there who are involved in this case. There are a few young women who were also caught up with this situation. It actually works out well in your case, but their stories all seem to be the same. The judge now will have to consider the conspiracy aspect of the case. It’s a good start.”

For some reason, that did not comfort me. Good start! I smiled, and nodded, because I thought that was the only thing left to do.

“Well, you are good to go for now. You should be good getting back into Canada. Our office will call you with next steps, but for now, work on getting some letters that speak to your character. Character witnesses are crucial in a fraud and laundering case. Really think about who you are going to have to write letters for you. Judges read through bullshit, so we don’t want fluffy, we want facts about Simone’s character. Got it!”

“Yeah! That makes sense,” I replied. “All right; thanks Mark!”

“Your welcome Simone. Don’t worry; keep doing what you are doing!”

He shook my hand, pivoted on his heel, and began to walk towards the elevator. I saw him take his phone out and type in a number. “Have you sent me the paperwork for…”

His voice tuned out as he stepped into the elevator. I looked around for a bathroom; there it was. Walking towards it, I had a sudden flashback; I remember crying in my mother’s arms, so ashamed, so embarrassed. That feeling was still there; it is exactly why I was triggered.

I quickly did what I had to do, and left that memory behind, for the moment.

I walked to my car, happy to be done with that for now. I had to go back to fixing things in my life, fixing myself, finding my peace. What I really wanted to do at that point was go to the gas station, and grocery store to buy some treats: let me explain.

AMERICA HAS THE BEST TREATS! It is one of the reasons that obesity is such an issue over there. They have everything that tastes so good but is not good for you. I swear it is addictive. I had not been to the States for a minute, so I had to get all the junk food that I missed.

The drive to Krogers was a happy one. I parked and grabbed myself a cart. Walking into the store was literally like putting a kid in a candy store. I went straight to the junk food aisle and bought one of everything: chips that you can only get over there, powdered donuts, Tahiti Treat Pop, oh my gosh! I swear my bill was $120.00, straight on my credit card.

I walked out with the biggest grin on my face. It might seem like a very trivial thing, but I was grateful that I was able to do that. Buy myself something; be nice to myself for a minute. I had become used to beating myself up. I wonder how many people reading this can relate to that?