Our traditions, our future: What are we passing on?

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. I still hear my elders in my ears as I contemplate a decision, as I smile to myself in reflection of the wisdom from the past, slowly finding their way into my thoughts, the magical nature of truth seeds finding their way home. Lately I have been wondering: beyond asking what traditions we have, the more important question is, what are we actively transmitting purposes or by accident, to the next generation?

Sometimes our reflections of the past remind us how far we have come. Sankofa, an age-old African symbol that represents going back to fetch our past, also reminds us of how integral it is to learn from our mistakes, and to draw wisdom from the experiences of those before us.

Sankofa does not just ask, “What did we lose?” It asks, “What is actually worth carrying?” Not everything from the past deserves a seat at tomorrow’s table.

Sometimes behavioural patterns can be passed down from one generation to the next. In some cases, survival patterns are inherited through our blood lines. Some look like silence around emotions, money, and even grief and loss. We all have come across family members that exhibit these patterns. In some cases, we ourselves have taken on some of these behaviours from observation, and in some cases through our DNA, and simply through traditions, linked to survival and scarcity. Sometimes we hold on to age-old approaches to things because we simply have not named the cost of inherited beliefs.

There are moments where the traditions we hold on to actually cause us grief or unwanted emotions, simply because we do not want to let go of an age-old approach to something we know we have outgrown. Our parents would sometimes say, “Do as I say, not as I do.” This statement has almost stood the test of time and has outlasted the best of us.

More recently I had a personal experience with an elder quite close to me, quoting this Caribbean scripture, and I thought to myself, do they honestly believe this old saying belongs in the 2026 parenting playbook?

What’s worth carrying forward

Now do not get me wrong, not everything old needs to be discarded. “Those who don’t hear, will feel,” is a perfect example of a proverb that speaks to repeated behaviours that often become troublesome for the next generation. The question it leads me to ask is, did these types of oral traditions protect us, or did they just get passed down because no one questioned it?

The counterbalance with the above can be found in our oral history, in concepts such as Ubuntu (“I am because we are”), which reminds me of the saying my father would often recall hearing from my grandfather, “Make sure you come back home, with who you left with.”  Especially when friends and I were heading out to a fete or party, indicating that with togetherness there is safety.

Further, traditions such as the “Nine-Night” also resonate in my memories. Nine Night is a gathering held on or around the ninth night after someone dies, where family, friends and community come together to honour the deceased, support the grieving family, eat, sing, pray, tell stories and, in many traditions, help spiritually send the deceased person off in love.

Whether praying, singing hymns, telling stories about the dearly departed or playing dominoes and other games, while sharing memories, over food, rum, music and sometimes drum and dance, this tradition continues to be held regularly, and in some cases right here in Toronto.

The question remains, beyond hosting a nice lime, will our children know how to gather? How to call each other together when someone has died to honour their memory and make a toast to their legacy?

Becoming ancestors in real time

We often talk about the ancestors as people from another time or era. In the new reality, to your children, grandchildren, and generations we may never meet, you are becoming an ancestor right now.

What becomes so special is we are not just inheritors, we are someone’s inheritance-in real time. What we do now with what we carry is the tradition we are creating.