Recognizing men’s critical role in preventing violence against women; The Men Like Me campaign

BY SIMONE J. SMITH

“We wanted to engage men, get them talking. It is a strength-based approach; strong men are not violent men. Strength is not violence. It is not a measure of strength.” Yusra Qadir (Senior Director, Mothers Matter Centre)

You lay there on the bed, trying to figure out how it got to this.

He was so nice at first: the roses, the sweet messages, finishing each other’s sentences…

What went wrong? What happened? How did it get this bad?

It started when he first accused you of cheating on him. He yelled at you, called you names, and then apologized, telling you that he gets jealous sometimes, but it is because he loves you so much.

The next time you went out with friends, you came back a little later than usual, and you were met with a steely face, frigid actions, and when you spoke out about it, he chokes you, telling you that you mean nothing to him.

Then comes the apologies again…

You forgive, attributing it to his stress, what his mother did to him; all the while the abuse escalates. Now here you are, curled up on the bed, your face battered, and bloody; what went wrong?

Violence against women and girls is becoming more of a global pandemic. It is a serious violation of human rights – particularly of women’s human rights, security and dignity. Violence against women and girls can appear in many forms ranging from domestic violence to sexual harassment, trafficking, forced marriage, and femicide.

Projects to prevent and end violence against women have been targeting women and girls for decades. Despite intensive efforts and significant resources spent on this work, the rates of violence have continued to increase at an alarming rate. Globally, the COVID-19 pandemic prompted a surge in instances of violence against women. In Canada, vulnerable and isolated women were at a greater risk of experiencing violence for the first time or suffering from increased or more severe violence. It is unfortunate that victims reported a fraction of these incidents.

Creating meaningful change, and preventing this violence, cannot be the responsibility of women, who are usually the victims in abusive situations. Placing the onus on them adds yet another burden on their shoulders while failing to address the root cause of the issue, which is often the behaviour of men.

The Men Like Me campaign strategically targets men and boys within refugee and immigrant communities. It recognizes men’s critical role in preventing violence against women within their communities and uses a strength-based approach to reinforce positive ideas of masculinity. Men Like Me challenges men and boys to realize their full potential through understanding that violence does not equal strength.

There are men in the society who are taking a stance to address the problem of gender equality and violence against women. The team at Mothers Matter Centre have taken it a step forward with this campaign and are encouraging men to sensitize other men about violence against women and girls.

This will require men and boys to play an active part in rejecting stereotypical gender roles and harmful patriarchal values and practices. With this goal in mind, The Mothers Matter Centre launched its Violence Against Women (VAW) program to create awareness about gender-based violence and de-stigmatize the discourse surrounding it, specifically in in refugee and immigrant communities.

I had an amazing discussion with Yusra Qadir, Senior Director – Innovations, Advocacy and Multicultural HIPPY, at Mothers Matter Centre. During our interview, we had a chance to talk about the Men Like Me Campaign, the Violence Against Women Program, and some of the other great work that is happening over at the Mother’s Matter Centre.

“Our mission, Yusra began.  “Is to serve isolated mothers and their children, the members of our society who face barriers, and are the ones who are less able to access the help that they need.

Some of our programs involve going into families’ homes, and when the pandemic was at its height, we had to ask some serious questions, one of them being should we pause? Together we said absolutely not! The need is greater than ever.”

So what did they do? They kept on going. They provided specific training for 120 home visitors, and 30 coordinators in order to fill the growing need for support. Working with their 34 partners, they found ways to support these families with internet connection and their phone bills.

“They are making tough choices each day,” Yusra shares. “Sometimes these women had to decide between feeding their children, and paying for the internet so their children could be in school.  We decided to help take that burden off their shoulders.”

The campaign is being run in partnership with White Ribbon Canada. White Ribbon is the world’s largest grassroots movement of men and boys working on issues of social justice including Gender Based Violence.

“We hope that this campaign, the messaging materials and extensive resources offered by White Ribbon will help men and boys recognize Violence Against Women as an important issue and encourage them to access the resources that they need to increase their knowledge, seek support and join the fight to prevent and end Violence Against Women in their communities,” Yusra concluded emphatically.

These resources are also available in French, Spanish, Arabic, Dari, and Pashto at https://mothersmattercentre.ca/vaw/.