Without a mirror, i can’t see the struggles of others

BY GEORGE SHEPPARD

“We don’t see things as they are; we see things as we are.” Anais Nin

If I had made a New Years resolution, it would have been broken in record time. So, to think I am going to uphold a misguided vow to quit drinking coffee is absurd. At the start of the year, I prefer to identify “hopes,” things I think will improve how I see things. In other words, to open my world to new experiences, to laugh, to smile more. Surely, that is not unrealistic.

Change can be slow, difficult, and painstaking. At times, it can be tough to get out of our own way. We spend fifty weeks a year getting knots in our rope, and two weeks’ vacation trying to untie them. That is not sustainable. When our stresses and struggles overwhelm us, stepping out of the isolation we have mistaken for a safe space can be daunting. This perceived safe space has become a means of survival, but only on a moment-by-moment basis. It is not until we examine our “perspective,” in conjunction with the experiences of others, can we see our world differently.

“We spend fifty weeks a year getting knots in our rope, and two weeks’ vacation trying to untie them.”

Issues surrounding one’s mental wellness are too often ignored. While acceptance is growing, stigma remains. For those who battle issues that have affected your mental health, finding understanding and acceptance, in the face of judgement, is not easy. The battle we wage within ourselves is even more complicated. Whenever my thoughts have taken a turn, I retreat from everyone, shutting people out, and shutting myself down. At those times, I am consumed with one thing – ME. I do not see the pain and misfortune of others; the everyday battles being fought on the physical and mental health fronts by young and old. My empathy and compassion for others need refreshing.

The issues that derail our mental wellness- loss, abuse, injustice, addictions, rejection, loneliness- are hard.  If we act or respond in a questionable way, we may hear “But you didn’t have a choice.” I recently watched a program where that comment was followed by “That doesn’t help now but it will later.” When we are going through our lowest moments, we ask “What will help now?” The stark reality is found in the only truthful response – “Nothing. This part is just hard.” There it is! Dealing with emotionally charged hurt is just hard. No song, no magic words, and no quick-fix pill can remedy that truth.

When I go down the rabbit hole, caught up in my own very real mindset surrounding abuse and injustice, I can be oblivious to what is going on around me. Perspective. Yet, when someone who has been awaiting medical test results hears their doctor say, “I have some bad news,” their shock and perspective just hits like a lightning bolt. Unknown territory. A private hell. These are times when I want to think I can be there for them, for people I care about, but I know I have not always been. In trying to maintain perspective, self-care is vital, but self-care does not mean losing my empathy and compassion. It means I must be aware, present for others, just as others have been strong for me.

Perspective shows us “we are all in this together”